speechless

i got sick for almost 18 hours from now..got stomachache..probably taken wrong food yesterday..

exhale~ trying to hold back me sadness..i don't know what else to say..

my friend told me that he couldn't face himself..but what i saw n what i felt was.. he was totally avoiding me..

n totally don't want to face me.. what can i say..but one word..sad...

i didn't know that he thought that i was 'eventually' lying to him..

although he said is a politely way..but somehow..it sounds like he don't trust me..

i was totally... broken..i will feel bad because i really didn't do it.. i meant of my every single word to u guys..

i didn't twist my words..can u just believe me..i know what i said now..u wouldn't believe n wouldn't even want to listen.. what else can i say...since i'm a liar to u already...

i'm seriously didn't turn one big round..what should i do to make them believe me..i really didn't..

i couldn't smile because..i felt that u guys r hanging out with a person who twisted her words while i'm not..

sorry to my friends who felt offended of giving u guys an emo face n stay away from u guys..i'm sorry...

slowly..u guys are further apart from me..way too far from me..don't say never because it is reality.. 

look around me now..i'm nothing..a group of my funny n nice friends all fade away..

sometimes i felt like how good if i have not been to meet them n make them sad..sorry..

don't worry i won't cry..because i don't want to cry alone..i will feel even more lonely..even now....

n i must be tough because once fall down..i have to face it by myself..i know my buddy will help me..

but not every second n not every minute he's here to be with me..in theory yes..physically no..

the only thing that stay with me without leaving me a second is my heart..

n thats y..it hurts now...for every second...

could anyone understand me to be thought as a person who are not honest?..

i don't wish to be sad too..but things happening in front of my eyes..n i'm really broken down...
if u want to break our friendship..i won't reject..because no matter how..
there is already a scar in each other heart

even mine..deeply..
i also don 't wish that u will try to guess am i talking the truth or twisted it already..
don't want to be so tired n tortured..